This blogpost is a guest article written by a participant of the Civic Tech Sisters program.
I. Be brave (if you could)
One evening, I was flipping through my Facebook feed and came across the call for a program for young female leaders within the Civic Tech sphere.
“It's about me!” my talented IT-friend wrote in her repost.
“But not about me” – I thought, scrolling through the feed further. I’m not competent enough. They won’t take me there – I'll just waste my time. Surely, there will be a set of more worthy candidates.
Then I went back and re-read the call. Only 10 participants from Ukraine and 10 from Germany? Oh no, I shouldn’t even try. Ok, okay, I’ll save this and maybe come back later.
“Sit at the table,” Sheryl Sandberg[1] tells us. And she’s right. At the same time, self-restriction and personal underestimation of oneself is only one side of the problem.
There is also another side – the attitude towards the abilities and aspirations of women on the part of society, professional communities, and other people, finally.
II. Expectations, reality and stereotypes
I work at a law university. I also often participate in conferences and some projects of the National Academy of Legal Sciences of Ukraine. At events and meetings, I always sit at the table.
But do you know how many women there are out of fifty academicians of the National Academy of Legal Sciences of Ukraine? Seven. Do you know how many women rectors we have had in a hundred years of the university's existence? None. Several years ago, a woman became the director of one of the branches of the university. Many discussed this not in connection with her professional qualities and achievements, but in connection with the fact that she has “typically masculine qualities”. Many said: “She is tough like a man”, “She is so harsh”, “She is totally inflexible”, “She is not at all feminine”. Why should such judgments be applied to women’s leadership? Why are some qualities considered as “typically masculine”?
Once the head of my department argued that the term for which he had been elected would end and it was not yet known who the new “Kanzler” would be. “Or a “Kanzlerin” I said. He looked very surprised. As if the thought that a woman might replace him had never crossed his mind.
He is not alone in this bewilderment. Some of my older male colleagues like to recall the times when there were only one or two women in a team of men in each department and complain that now there are more than 50% of women, and soon they will completely oust men. Indeed, more women than men are employed in education in Ukraine. But the situation changes when it comes to occupying positions or other career advancements. Here are some data: 51% of applicants for higher education in Ukraine are women, 49% are men. In the context of the distribution of women scientists by branches of science – women candidates of sciences in social sciences are 58.1%, doctors of sciences 40.5%. In technical sciences – 21.2% and 9%, respectively[2]. Only 19% of teachers in secondary and high schools are men, but 33% are men in the positions of school principals[3].
For some of my male colleagues, especially those in high positions, I will always be a “talking stool”. Well, I decided that I would be at least an “uncomfortable talking stool”.
A few weeks later, after doubts and reflections, I decided that I would try to apply for the program. I searched and searched, but I couldn't remember where the call was. Fortunately, I am subscribed to several mailing lists with opportunities. Finally, I found it and simultaneously found that the deadline expires today. I filled out the application form at night, typing on the keyboard with one hand, because my youngest son was sleeping on the other. In addition, I had a huge pile of unfinished business and big doubts about my own suitability for this program, but I decided that I would definitely fill out an application.
III. Why do women feel overwhelmed and guilty?
I started filling out the application and seemed to have taken a good pace, when suddenly my son woke up. A quarter of the precious hour was spent trying to calm him down. After that, I had to literally force myself to come back and catch the idea by the tail. Finally, I got some inspiration and continued to describe my project. Oh no, baby woke up again!
Have you ever thought about the fact that women do not have a long free and quiet period of time at all, but there are only small pieces, chaotically scattered around the 24 hours? And even these small temporary gaps can be destroyed at any moment. For example, someone close to you thinks they have to ask something important right now. Probably, your child at this very moment will stop watching the cartoon and will want to climb into your lap to press buttons on your laptop. Oh, or maybe someone will once again miss the explanation that you would like to have guaranteed time just for yourself. After all, if you want something only for yourself, you are a bad mother, wife and daughter. And, of course, you shouldn’t complain, even if you think that work, everyday life and children, the functions of a manager in the family and the emotional load are too much for one (women).
Perhaps, between these tossing and endless juggling of tasks, we don't even have time to think about our own value.
What do you mean, you couldn’t handle it? It was your own choice.
What does it mean to leave your child awake at midnight to finish important work? You must feel disgusting.
What do you mean, you haven’t built a good career? Your excuses are pathetic.
You know, I could answer that there are a number of informal and invisible barriers for women, especially in well-paid professions and high positions. I could answer that our three or even four shifts are damn unfair. For example, more women than men receive legal education, but some of them never work in the legal profession. Where do they disappear to? They are likely to become mothers and / or run a household. However, even those who remain in the legal profession have a one in four chance of pursuing truly successful careers. For example, in the UK women in 2015 made up around 57% of all trainee solicitors and associates, but were only 24% of partners [4].
And to top it all off, they – we – are forced to advance in fits and starts, carve out an opportunity for themselves to learn new things and pump leadership skills, fighting for this opportunity not only with circumstances, but also with inner demons.
IV. Listen to yourself and get your sisters
I’m just learning to listen to that voice inside that tells me: “Be brave! Cast aside doubts. You’re enough. You are talented. Don’t be afraid to be wrong. Don’t be afraid to be noticed. Don’t be afraid to sound uncomfortable”.
This voice is barely audible among hundreds of voices around who say: “Who are you? What do you think of yourself? Where are you going? Be comfortable! Be quiet! Be invisible!”
But you know what? This is normal. After all, even popular psychology teaches us that judgmental and devaluing voices around affect our own assessment of ourselves.
And a few weeks later, the answer came. They took me! Well, now I am a member of the Civic Tech Sisters. A program that has already given me much more than I dared to expect. So I do not regret for a minute that I had the courage to apply.
[1] You can find her inspiring speech “Why we have too few women leaders” here.
[2] National Agency for Quality Assurance in Higher Education. Річний звіт Національного агентства із забезпечення якості вищої освіти за 2019 рік. Київ: Національне агентство із забезпечення якості вищої освіти, 2020.
[3] Institute of Educational Analytics (Інститут освітньої аналітики), дані 2018/2019 навчального року.
[4] Feminist lawyers: the fight for gender equality in the legal profession, updated on 06 June 2017.