Two patterns of reaction to war and what we can learn about how we deal with crises
Seven weeks have now passed since the war against Ukraine began. With non-stop media coverage, a flood of information of unprecedented scale on social networks, and not least the large number of people displaced and reaching Germany, the war in Ukraine is more present than any other disaster of its kind in recent decades.
Many of us are committed to alleviating suffering and hardship. We are also all trying to digest the events. This happens primarily on an intellectual level, in which we try to classify the new information. This process of historical-political reflection, in which we include more perspectives than before, is logical. However, we also believe that it is important to add a psychological perspective to these reflections and to consider our feelings. We may be concerned about the consequences of this war, and we may also be afraid because we do not know how the fighting will spread. We realize that we cannot judge the truthfulness of information. All this makes us feel insecure.
After the war began, together with New Work Needs Inner Work, represented by Joana Breidenbach, Bettina Rollow and Anjet Sekkat, we started to provide space in a digital space for our reactions to the events. People who are strongly engaged, as well as activists who feel blocked, of all things, in this so demanding situation, we invite you to check in once a week and give space to our feelings, body perceptions and thought loops. The basic idea here is that we can only have a long-term effect if we take care of our inner stability.
How do we deal with ourselves as we face the shock that this war, as well as the realization of the threat of the climate crisis, brings to us?
How do we navigate a world that is so much more uncertain than we have long wanted to believe?
"There are two classic patterns of response to this, both of which I can observe in myself," says Joana Breidenbach. "One I describe as 'safety through denial' or numbing out, when I just continue to not let what's happening get to me. The other response pattern, which I probably choose more often, is 'safety through actionism,' a kind of engagement that is oriented primarily in the outside and has little to do with what I can or want to contribute right now. This engagement serves primarily to discharge the tension inside me that I can't stand. Both reaction patterns are in doubt not purposeful, possibly even harmful for me and/or others. "
A healthy balance between self-care and engagement is necessary
Bettina Rollow thinks it's important to figure out what engaged people need in order to feel well enough to be committed for the long term. "That often seems to be a bit of a cop-out in situations where there's clearly a hierarchy of suffering," she says. "I'm much better off than all the people who are fleeing Ukraine. There I might think I have to totally sacrifice myself now and contribute to excess because I'm in the privileged position. But then it turns around. Those who contribute become so consumed that at some point they need support themselves."
The important thing, according to Bettina Rollow, is to recognize what drives activism. "Are we just becoming active to release tension and thus compensate? Or are we contributing because the type of engagement is part of our healthy self-expression? The challenge in compensating is because we often don't have much choice in this acting out and thus don't realize when we are taking on ourselves in the process. I've seen many people in my committed circle (myself included) in the first few days after the war began who barely slept or ate and were completely exhausted and unable to help after a few days."
In the webinar, we'll explore with others how to better categorize this motivation and keep asking ourselves: when do I step into action because, rooted in empathy and compassion, I want to make my best possible contribution to the current crisis? And when do I step into action because I can't bear to deal with what is right now any other way? This is not about a right or wrong answer to the question, but about the space of choice that arises within us when we allow these questions to come to us and recognize portions of answers to both questions.
The navigation tool of simultaneity
One check-in participant reports that the 1:1 exchange in one of the breakout rooms made her realize the amount of conflict that arises within her when she feels the urge to want to do something but doesn't know if it's enough, right, or meaningful. Being able to endure this uncertainty is not easy, she says.
Bettina Rollow has some advice on this: "When situations are complex and many things happen in the same period of time, the best reaction would be to practice simultaneity. I could then perceive that there is a part of me that helps because it is touched. And a part falls into actionism because I can't help it. There might then be another part that is afraid and one that lives its everyday life normally and experiences completely different feelings such as joy, and so on. I observe in me the urge to fall into an either-or. I am stressed or happy. To consciously experience the different parts in me can help me to relate to the crises of our time. Most of the time, tension arises in me because I have an idea of how it should be. What if I accept that this tension is part of it? Maybe then I can step out of the vicious cycle of suggesting how it should be just right and allow myself a moment of calm and new perspective to see what I need and how I can contribute."
A second participant says she broke down a few days ago after a sacrificial time. She says her compassion is what drives her and keeps her in action. Breaking down is also part of that, she says. She expresses anger at this self-care. She expected something different in the webinar, hoped it would be "about more than just myself." She senses aggression rising, "I am in a disfavor with those who are doing well."
Anjet Sekkat's response is quite blunt: "When I'm angry at our privileges and go to help, there's a discharge. We care about the difference between helper syndrome and commitment. Being motivated to help because I'm not dealing with my tension ultimately doesn't do anyone any good. You can watch the participant absorb these words. Then she is amazed to find that with her anger she has now become a "war monger" herself, because she is "now at war with the people who are self-care. That's the next issue I have to deal with." She thanks everyone for this insight.
Everyone is invited to the checkin, whether they want to get involved or take action, and even those who are feeling overwhelmed and blocked right now.